The Royal Melbourne show is one of those enduring items that have been running in Victoria since 1868.

First and foremost, you must be aware that this is going to be an expensive trip no matter which way you look at it. To be honest, I’d say take out all the money you want in cash and leave the card at home. Or alternatively, keep a a card with a few 100 just in case. A lesson I’ve definitely learned for next time. At the same time, have fun. Yes it’s expensive, and once you’ve done it, probably not feel like doing it again anytime soon and I don’t blame you. Hell, I don’t want to see my credit cars statement… but I digress. What’s the price that you put on an experience?

True to the domestic traveller theme, I did as much as I could at the show. Food, rides and the attractions. I have no idea where to start so I’ll start in the only logical way I know how…. chronologically.

The best way to get to the showgrounds is by train. Do not even think about your car for even a single moment. Just purely trust me on this one. You are in for a spectacular day and one that will leave you feeling extremely tired. The last thing you want to do, is sully that experience by having to fight your way through the worst peak hour traffic with hundreds of other drivers with screaming kids for distractions. And should you then have a bingle. Yikes.

However before we begin this adventure, here are a few pre-planning items:

1. Backpack
Carry one just in case. Given Melbourne’s four seasons in one day predictability, you’d be good to carry a jacket or something that can keep you warm especially if you plan on staying there the whole day. Whislt the showis held in summer and shorts for guys can be a good idea, as long as you’re ok with being cold at night, shorts are always a good idea.

2. Water
Look, food in here is as expensive as going to one of the venues to eat. Carrying around a bottle of water will definitely help. Add to the fact, there is plenty of taps to get water from and you’re well and truly quenched. There’s nothing like trying to fight hordes of people for water. Besides water is literally the most expensive commodity I have ever seen.

3. Sunscreen
I know that my complexion provides me with some relief from the sun but here the sun is so bad that even I get burned. There’s no tan stage. Just “nice and warm” to “roasted” and “stick a fork in me cause I’m done” stages. So slip slop slap [insert link to YouTube video] and make sure you get some strong sunscreen on you and reapply as necessary.

Once you get in, make sure you pick up a handy guide to the show and map your route out. (If you haven’t done so already)

Things you definitely want to do:

1. Showbags:
This is the crux for almost any kid (including the ones aged all the way up to 99) to get their hands on. Not all showbags are the same and some toys ahem items are not of the same quality and it’s a definite case of you get what you pay for. Although, the novelty items are just too good to pass on.

If anything, the only thing ever worth getting from a chocolates perspective is the Bertie Beetle showbag. Seriously, it’s the best money you could spend on chocolate. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the patience to wait 3.5 hours in a queue to get my hands on one and was happy to just see them from the outside.

There are a ton of other showbags and you can get these from the stalls outside the pavilion. They’re targeted towards little ones.

2. Food
There are a ton of various food options to whet your appetite, including a few different and interesting concoctions to tantalize your taste buds. Woth enough water (that you’ve already cone prepared with), you should be able to sample the various items within the major pavilions. Besides, they have so many free samples that you could fill yourself from those alone.

I chose to get the pulled pork and it was the most delicious thing that I had that day!

3. Rides
Yes yes, they’re expensive but guess what, you’re only coming here once (in a few years at least) and if you are going to try these out, here are the ones I recommend.

Freestyle
There’s nothing like being flung into the air and rotating on the point. As someone who is really afraid of heights, this ticked all the boxes of glad I’ve done it that I’m never going to do it again. Of anything, closing your eyes and hoping for it to finish is the worst thing you can do. It seems like sight is such an important faculty of the human body and when it’s taken away, the other senses are almost immediately heightened. And in doing so, you feel the gravity of the situation (pun intended) even more. Besides at the cost of entry, this was beyond ridiculous. Juat open your eyes, take in the world and enjoy the screams of everyone around you. Until you realise that it’s your own voice. Ah well, #yolo.

Crazy Coaster
Not only is it a roller coaster, but it’s also one that spins on it’s X axis! Try not to eat before you go on this ride. And if the photos are anything to go by, I may or may not have worried about my life on different parts. As someone that doesn’t like heights (see above ride), I thought this would easier, but it turns out, that it wasn’t. But I have no regrets so…

Alien Abduction
It’s the gravitron all over again. Using gravity to create a centrifugal effect, you are given the weightlessness option and, if you are strong enough, able to move around on the edge and up the walls. Just remember, that once you go up, it’s all got to come down. I remember looking at a kid that thought it would funny to lie upside down but then when the ride started to slow, his Dad was so worried trying to get him down and didn’t know what he needed to do. It was just a massive struggle which you could see the worry across his face but the kid thought it was absolutely funny to see his Dad worried. Oh to be that care-free again…

Super Slide
And this was the best and easiest fun ride that I had been on. Just awesome. It was simple. A giant slide that brought back being a kid all over again.

If anything, you should definitely do this. Yes, it’s expensive, but you need to do it. Especially for the fireworks!